I was doing so well with what I was eating yesterday and then I blew it.

When I got home from work I had rice for dinner, that's all that really sounded good, so when we got to bowling I wasn't really tempted by any of the things people brought for the potluck. By the time we left, however, I could tell I hadn't eaten enough and I was starving. Well not really, but you know what I mean.

Nathan and I had to stop at the store on the way home and he picked up two of those cheap Totino's pizzas. So what did I do when we got home? I put one in the oven and then ate the entire thing.

Bad. Aimee.

I didn't even enjoy it. I was too hungry to care what I was eating, I just wanted food and I wanted it NOW. Then I went to bed when I was done with my pizza fest and my stomach was rolling around like the Andrea Gale.

When I woke up I felt really yucky and it took me a bit to remember what I'd done to feel so lethargic. So of course I weighed myself and some not-so-nice words came to mind. I won't repeat them.

Why do I do this to myself?!

Okay, moving on.

Today I've done great so far, granola cereal with almond milk for breakfast, salad for lunch, tea and lots of water. My stomach has calmed down for the most part, though it still doesn't feel quite right. Actually that's something I noticed earlier this week. My stomach feels a lot better now than it has in years. I've had problems with GERD since high school. Until about a month ago I was taking omeprazole every single day when I got up so I could eat without my stomach feeling like it was on fire. Since I made a serious effort to change my eating habits, I haven't had to take anything for my stomach. I can't believe the difference.

One thing I need to work on is getting to bed earlier. By the end of the week all I can think about is finally being able to sleep in on Saturday morning. I know the exercise is helping my sleeping habits a lot. I'm staying asleep once I get there. I don't have as much trouble falling asleep. I'm just not getting to bed early enough.

Someone I generally have great respect for went down a few notches in my book today. It's relavent here because it was a 'fat joke' that changed my opinion. I don't really want to get into it, I only mention it because it seems like the last form of acceptacle discrimination and that just pisses me off.

Something else I learned recently ~ skinny does not equal healthy.

I'm training with Sgt. Fitness tonight. I have no idea what we'll be doing but I'm sure I'll enjoy it. I've been training with him for almost 3 months now and I still get excited about going. I look forward to learning something new about my body, and about myself.

Son came up with the idea of doing 1,130 minutes of exercise for November. 11th month + 30 days in November = 1,130. I like it! It's 200 minutes more than we had for October, so it will challenge us, but not so much more that we'll feel like we can't achieve it. I'm really loving doing a certain number of minutes instead of miles.

On the treadmill I've been concentrating on incline, not speed, so I don't worry about how far I've gone at all. Well, that's not entirely true, I still keep track of my miles. It's just not my main focus.

Last night I was on the treadmill for 69 minutes and walked 3 miles! To start I did an incline of 16 for about 35-40 minutes. It felt a lot harder last night than it did Monday, I'm not sure why. After that I varied the incline from 8 to 12 (I think), and experimented with different speeds. I discovered the faster I go, the less I think. Maybe because I'm concentrating so hard on just staying on the damn treadmill, I'm afraid to waste energy worrying about anything else.

Can you imagine what it would look like if I went flying off that thing?!

I finally have been able to listen to music while I'm on the treadmill. Nathan helped me put more songs on my phone so I had new songs the entire time I was walking. I need to find faster songs though, some just were not cutting it.

My eating habits today have been good. I tried mixing Greek yogurt with my granola cereal this morning. It was....okay. It has a different flavor. I don't mind it, but I'm thinking it would be much better in a smoothie or something. I spent a few minutes looking for recipes last night and didn't find anything. I'll keep looking.

Bowling tonight, that will count as a tiny bit of exercise. We're having a pre-Halloween potluck. I'm going to eat dinner before I go, everyone always brings junk to eat like cake and cookies. Of course I've only recently started to look at it as junk, before that I wouldn't have thought twice about it. Funny how perceptions change.

Funny how I'm changing.

I had a session with Sgt. Fitness tonight, we did more arm stuff. My sides are still store, more my right side than the left thanks to bowling, but the workout felt good. I told him how sore I was before.

His response? 'That's good!'

Hmmm.

Well, okay, he said more than that but his first response is what I remember the most. I was bad
and didn't get on the treadmill when we were done, so now I feel kind of cheated. Why didn't I get my butt on the treadmill? Because Kelly started talking to me and by the time I got away I had to leave to pick up Nathan and take him to work.

Thankfully Sgt. Fitness didn't ask me how I've been eating lately, or he'd have made me do more of those...whatever he calls them, shoulder press dealies, they were hard. Today, for example, I ate a good breakfast of granola cereal stuff. And for lunch I had a hamburger with ketchup and mayo along with a small order of french fries. And let's not forget the fry sauce, had to have that. I was just craving a hamburger.

Now one meal isn't going to derail everything I've accomplished so far, but over the weekend I ate like crap too and I had Tuna Helper for dinner last night. Ugh. It's caught up with me though. I can tell I had too much sodium because my hands are swollen. I just have this overall feeling of ickiness.

What amazes me is how differently my body reacts to food that's bad for me now compared to how it would have just a few months ago. In July, before I started going to the gym and tracking my food, I would never have noticed this lethargic feeling. I felt that way all the time, I just didn't realize it. How scary is that?!

Now that I can feel the difference, I do not want to go back to feeling like shit all the time again. So I am really going to step up the effort on my eating habits. I will still allow myself a meal to eat whatever I want, but only for dinner. I think by telling myself I can have an entire day, it's too easy for me to justify crap meals other days of the week. That defeats the purpose.

For some reason lately I'm craving red meat. I wonder if I'm getting anemic again, that's been the case before. Instead of going to the doctor and getting a blood test, I intend to figure out what foods have iron in them (besides beef), and load up and see if that helps. Maybe the trial and error method isn't the greatest way to go about things, I really don't know. I should have asked Sgt. Fitness tonight but I didn't think about it. I could email him but I hate to be a pest, especially since there are other questions I meant to ask him and spaced it.

I'd like to find a good multi-vitamin too, that would help if I'm lacking iron. But it's so frustrating! Vitamins apparently aren't regulated well, so you could buy a bottle of vitamins that do you no good whatsoever. Some have just one pill, others have packs of half a dozen. How do you know which ones do you the most good and which are a waste of money? I've seen the prices on some of them, they aren't exactly cheap.

I also want to talk to my doctor about getting off the fluoxetine completely. I know you can't go cold turkey, you need to have the dosage lowered first. I did that once but I need to check on whether or not it would have to be done again before I can stop it completely. I've been avoiding it though, I know I'll have to go in and talk to him. Sometimes you can get away with a phone call but I don't think that will cut it this time. Grrrr.

My clothes are not fitting me well. My pants are looser but still stay up, however my shirts are really starting to look awful. I should go buy at least one or two new ones that fit decently but I hate to spend the money on clothes right now, especially when I still have so far to go.

I haven't been getting enough sleep lately. I wonder how much that affects my cravings. In fact I should really be in bed now but I wanted to get some of this out of my head and into this journal. I go on so much in my everyday LJ about all this I almost hate to subject anyone to yet more of it. But this is different because I don't worry about what anyone else might think. I shouldn't anyway and yet I do. Right or wrong it's human nature I suppose. My nature, at least.

Alright, off to bed with me.

I met Kelly at the gym this morning for an hour long Zumba class, which finished out my goal of exercising for 930 minutes this month!

Woohoo!!!!

It feels damn good to reach a goal I set for myself (thank you again Son for the idea).

My arms and chest are sore today. Wow. I feel the muscles every time I move an inch. I suppose I should ask Sgt. Fitness how sore is too sore. I don't think I'm there, I can function just fine, but I want to make sure. He wouldn't let me injure myself while I'm working out with him, but I wonder if there are things I can do after our workouts that would help keep the soreness down to a minimum.

I expect to be sore. I haven't used these muscles in.....oh who knows, forever perhaps? So I know that waking them up again and getting them moving isn't an easy task. While I don't enjoy pain, I do enjoy knowing that I'm doing something to better myself. I like learning about my body. I'm surprised sometimes at what I can do.

I think we sell ourselves short.

Becoming healthy and getting in shape takes work. Hard work, lots of effort. And in our day to day lives it's so easy to overlook what we could be doing for ourselves. We get so busy working, answering phone calls, taking care of our families, etc. etc. etc. That's not a bad thing, obviously, it's part of life.

What I'm learning is that by making the time to take care of myself, I do a better job of taking care of the rest. I feel better about myself and have more energy.

Why didn't I get off my ass and do this a long time ago?!

October Challenge

Challenge ~ To complete 930 minutes of exercise in the month of October.

Goal ~ 930
Total Minutes Completed ~ 960
Total Minutes Remaining ~ 0

10/1 - Bowling = 30 minutes
10/2 - Treadmill, 10 incline for 30 minutes, 1.70 miles / 30 minutes resistance training with Sgt. Fitness = 60 minutes
10/3 - Off
10/4 - Treadmill 10 incline for 10 minutes, 12 incline for 30 minutes, 1.90 miles = 40 minutes
10/5 - Treadmill 10 incline for 10 minutes, 13 incline for 20 minutes, 8-4 incline for 10 minutes = 40 minutes
10/6 - Treadmill 4 incline for 15 minutes, resistance training 30 minutes, treadmill 13-10 incline 15 minutes = 60 minutes
10/7 - Off
10/8 - Bowling = 30 minutes
10/9 - Treadmill 13 incline for 40 minutes, 10 incline for 5 minutes = 45 minutes
10/10 - Off
10/11 - Off
10/12 - Treadmill 4 incline for 10 minutes, training with Sgt. Fitness 30 minutes, treadmill 12 incline for 20 minutes = 60 minutes
10/13 - Treadmill 12 incline for 15 minutes, 14 incline for 15 minutes, 18 incline for 5 minutes, free weights and running 20 minutes = 35 minutes
10/14 - Treadmill 15 incline for 30 minutes = 30 minutes 10/15 - Bowling = 30 minutes
10/16 - Treadmill warm up 10 minutes, training 30 minutes, treadmill 14 incline for 10 minutes, 10 incline for 25 minutes = 75 minutes
10/17 - Zumba class = 60 minutes
10/18 - Off
10/19 - Treadmill 15 incline for 40 minutes, 10 incline for 10 minutes = 50 minutes
10/20 - Treadmill warm up 10 minutes, training 30 minutes, treadmill 16 incline for 15 minutes, 10 incline for 15 minutes = 70 minutes
10/21 - Treadmill 15 incline for 40 minutes, warm up/cool down 5 minutes = 45 minutes
10/22 - Training 30 minutes, treadmill 15 incline for 15 minutes, 10 incline for 15 minutes, bowling 30 minutes = 90 minutes
10/24 - Zumba class = 60 minutes

I finished with a week to spare!!!!

I am feeling muscles in my arms, chest and shoulders I never knew existed until today. I seem to say that a lot about my muscles, not knowing they existed. I'm so glad that is changing.

But back to my arms.

I worked out with Sgt. Fitness for 30 minutes. I used 15 pound weights for shoulder press things, it was not an easy task. Well, at first it didn't seem too bad, but when I got to about 15 of the 20 reps Sgt. Fitness had me do I wasn't thinking it was so easy anymore. And then I had to do it all over again. All but one of the exercises were new to me so it kept my attention.

I have to admit I sometimes get distracted by people working out around me. No matter how often I tell myself not to, I inevitably compare myself to others. I see women who have amazing arms or run on a treadmill for an hour and wonder how long it will be before I get results like that.

Wait, I take it back about the running. I hate to run. But you get the idea.

What's interesting to me is that before I started all this gym stuff I would have looked at these women and wished for their bodies and been jealous. Now I look at them more as an inspiration to get my body in the best shape it can be. In the short time I've been going to this new gym I've started to discover what my body can do. I've pushed myself out of my comfort zone and it's not nearly as scary as I thought it would be. Instead of being all gung-ho for a few weeks and then stopping or getting bored, I'm even more excited about it now than I was when I started.

I'm sure a lot of it has to do with the progress I've made. I'm seeing results, my measurements are going down and so is the number on the scale. My clothes aren't fitting me very well. Best of all I just feel better in general. And what makes me excited to keep going is knowing I've just started. I can't wait to see how I feel after another few months.

My eating habits have improved greatly but still need a lot of work. I need to figure out what to eat before I work out, because I seem to run out of energy pretty fast and sometimes get jittery or shaky feeling. I'm also not very good at balancing the calories out, I'll eat hardly any calories for breakfast and lunch and then be starving by the time I get off work and want to eat everything in sight when I get home. I need to work on a meal plan of sorts and make a shopping list.

I'm feeling pretty damn good about things.

Sgt. Fitness asked me to work out with him today instead of tomorrow, so I got off work at 4 and made it for our session at 4:30. We worked my arms today, whoa am I feeling it!

And in a few minutes Nathan and I are leaving for bowling.

This should be interesting.

I went to the gym last night right after work for my training session with Sgt. Fitness. We did mostly resistance training, not a lot with weights, and I was sweating up a storm in no time. That kind of embarrasses me. I realize that's the point, but still, I know of no woman who likes to sweat like a pig.

We did mostly new exercises again, which was great. I love that we are always doing different things. How does he come up with all this stuff?! There was only one exercise I did that I've done before, and I was happily surprised to find it was a tiny bit easier this time around.

I suppose it also helped that we were having a discussion about whether or not we believe in Bigfoot at the time. (For the record he said nope, I said yep).

Sometimes I find it easier to do the exercises if I'm not thinking about them. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. When I hear Sgt. Fitness counting how many reps I have left it feels harder than when I don't know. I suppose I should think about what I'm doing to make sure I'm doing it right, I probably rely too much on him for that. But he's the expert, not me.

Sgt. Fitness had me hold a position, almost like a push up position but my legs were propped on a bench. Anyway, I couldn't believe how much I was sweating when I was just holding myself there! I said something to him about it and he was talking about which muscles I was using to hold myself up. I like that he tells me this stuff, I like knowing what parts of my body I'm working.

After I got done with that he had me stretching my legs and I told him how I did on the treadmill the night before. Sgt. Fitness said he was really proud of me and how well I'm doing. It means a lot that he's so encouraging. I made the remark that I'll get there (meaning to my goal), and he said I know you will. After our session he told me he has faith in me that I will do well. Hearing that almost made me stop in my tracks and blush. It's ridiculous how warm and fuzzy it made me feel. It means a lot to me to have someone who believes I can do this and is helping me get there. I realize I'm paying him to do this, of course, but it still helps me to hear it.

When we got done I walked on the treadmill, I did an incline of 16 for 15 minutes! I always have a harder time with the inclines after training, since I'm already tired, but I was happy to last that long. I'm still not going very fast, last night it was 2.3, but I'm okay with that for now.

When I got home I started watching 'The Biggest Loser' but had to turn it off. I got upset when they showed the contestants being sent home for a week. They were all greeted by their families. It just made me miss Mom and Dad so much, and knowing they aren't here to see my progress and how well I'm doing is hard.

I went to bed way too late but I slept really well, I only woke up once. I'm really tired today and my stomach isn't happy about something, at the moment I'm not sure I'll make it to the gym tonight. But I really want to, so I'm hoping after I go home and eat dinner I'll be feeling better.

I had a good workout last night. I managed to stay at a 15 incline for 40 minutes! Well, actually, I did 30 minutes, then dropped to a 10 incline for 5 minutes, and went back up to 15. I was really happy. I walked exactly 2 miles. I'm not going for a land speed record, that's for sure, but I would like to work up to a faster pace. The first 20 minutes went pretty well before I started to get tired, and the rest went good.

I've noticed a big difference in how long it takes me to start feeling tired. I've also seen a change in how I feel when I'm done. When I first started all this working out stuff I felt awful after I was done working out. I was exhausted and cranky, I felt like crap to be honest. I could not figure out what was wrong with me. I'd always heard about the whole 'endorphin' rush and it was evidently rushing right past me because I wasn't feeling it.

Now I find that when I get done with a workout I'm tired and sweaty but I feel good. Really good. My head is clear, my blood is pumping, my body feels loose. And the mood lasts awhile. I'm starting to see why people make the effort to get up early and work out in the mornings before doing anything else.

I, however, will not be attempting that one just yet (if ever).

I got some new workout clothes. I did it on a whim, thinking it was about time I stopped wearing gigantic baggy T-shirts, but now that I've been wearing them I find they make me feel better too. Weird, I wasn't expecting that of clothes. I'll admit to being a little uncomfortable in the shirts, they are very form fitting. You wouldn't think that would bother a person, but then my Mom always told me I never liked shirts that actually fit me.

I worry about how I look in the new gym shirts, of course. It really shouldn't matter, it's the gym not a date, and yet I don't want to look like a fat girl in skinny girl clothes (which sounds awful, I know). I would love to just feel comfortable in my own clothes for a change.

In my own skin, for that matter.

But I am happy to say that I feel better about myself today than I did 2 1/2 months ago when I started this gym stuff. I am starting to see the progress I've been making. My body feels different. Stronger. My moods have gotten better, as have the migraines. My energy level is higher, though if I'd get to bed earlier I'm sure it would be even better. I feel more alive and more like myself than I have in a really long time.

My body is feeling the workouts I did Friday and Saturday. I actually hate to take a day off but I think my body needs to recover a little.

Friday night I worked out with Sgt. Fitness. My legs were still sore from our workout Monday but they were much better than they had been. Of course it didn't take any time at all for them to remind me of muscles I apparently quit using. Sgt. Fitness asked me if I was too sore to move, etc. and I told him no. Actually as sore as I was it wasn't anywhere near what I felt working out with the trainer at the YMCA, so I really didn't mind too much.

Telling him that was a mistake, he had me do some arm exercises that I'm feeling right now. Again, not so bad I'm whimpering every time I move, but enough to let me know they were worked hard.

The last exercise we did was almost like a pilates hip roll. To be honest I felt extremely dorky doing it. Sgt. Fitness was laying on the mat and did the exercise with me so I didn't feel quite as foolish as I would have if he'd been standing there watching me. When we got done he asked me how I felt and I said damn good.

I even meant it.

I felt worn out and energized at the same time, I felt amazing. After that I got on the treadmill for half an hour. I didn't get to as high of an incline as I did a few days before, but after the workout my trainer had me do (and because I didn't have time to eat before I went), I wasn't quite up for it. But that's okay, I still kicked some ass.

Yesterday I met Kelly at the gym for a Zumba class. I had a free pass so I could try it. It was so much fun! It's an aerobics class based on Latin dancing. I felt a little foolish, not knowing any of the moves or anything, but I had a great time. They're going to do another boot camp next month so I might sign up for that. Besides Kelly and I there were 5 other women, everyone seemed to love it. I was sweating pretty good when we got done. I'm finding it feels good just to move, which sounds silly but it's the truth.

After Kelly and I were done at the gym I came home and decided to clean the apartment. So I put in a Shakira CD, scrubbed the kitchen and vacuumed, did laundry, etc. I worked up a sweat doing it but instead of feeling worn out by it I felt good.

As if that wasn't enough, I put together a bookshelf and that was a lot of work, I ended up sweating yet again. My eating habits haven't been as good as they could be, but they haven't been terrible. I had sesame chicken for dinner Friday (really late Friday night), but I'm finding it doesn't agree with me very well lately. Yesterday I had breakfast before I went to the gym but never ate lunch and didn't have dinner until 7:30, so that wasn't good. Today I'm going to do better.

According to my scale this morning I weigh 181.8 pounds. Nice!

I made it to the gym around 8:30 tonight, after dropping Nathan (my brother) off at work. Kelly was just finishing cleaning up so I convinced her to stay and work out with me. I did an incline of 15 for 30 minutes. Not too bad!

It felt pretty darn good, although my legs are still sore. I'm going to be feeling them in the morning. Again. It's nowhere near as bad as when I worked out at the YMCA though. At least I can get out of bed without whimpering.

Kelly wants me to work out with her a few times next week. I'm hoping to help her be in a better mood about it. I am finding my groove with all this and I am not about to let anything change that. I know how hard it is to start exercising. It hasn't exactly been all that long ago I had the same problem, as my 186 pounds can attest to. But I did it, and I kept going, and I'm having fun and I like going to the gym now. It would be nice if I could convince Nathan to go with me but he won't. I worry about his health but that's up to him.

Off to bed with me.

I had breakfast at around 9:00 this morning. It was hard to make myself eat at first, I just don't like eating so early, but once I got started I was fine. So I had breakfast, a snack, lunch, a snack, and in an hour I'll go home and have dinner. I don't know what I'm having yet, probably chicken and rice.

I worry about becoming too focused on my health kick. Am I obssessing too much? How much is too much? I suppose it doesn't help that I have nothing else to do. I work and I go to the gym. That's it. Oh, and I bowl once a week. So I find myself constantly thinking and talking about the gym and what exercises I've learned and what incline I'm up to, etc. etc. etc. I probably bore people.

But dammit, I'm excited about all this! It's the first thing since Mom and Dad died that has given me a sense of purpose and made me feel really good about things. It is also the first thing I've done to take care of myself in years. I can concentrate on me, what I want and how I feel. It is long overdue.

And yet I still feel a twinge of selfishness for saying that...

Making this effort to become healthy has given me a certain amount of control back to my life. I can't control sickness and death, but I can control what I eat. What's really neat is that I feel more like me. It's different, don't get me wrong, but I catch myself doing things I used to. Singing in the car, for example, and doing little dances in the kitchen or grocery store. Silly, yes, and it's exactly what I've missed about myself and couldn't seem to find.

Now I check weight loss blogs every day. I read health related articles. I subscribed to a couple of health magazines. I have a stack of books waiting to be read on health and food. I talk about this stuff all the time. And I want to talk about it even more, I just don't know who cares enough to talk about it with me. I know there are all kinds of communities online but it's not the same has talking to someone face to face.

Maybe I'm just all into this because it's still so new to me. I'm learning something every day. And I've only been at this for 2 1/2 months. I have so much more to learn about fitness, and about myself.

I ate pretty well today, I need to log my food into the gym's site before I head for bed though to make sure. One thing I've noticed is that while I'm eating breakfast every day now, I'm not eating it until around 10:30 a.m. I should be eating it earlier, so by 10:30 I'd be having a snack of some sort. It's just hard to wake up and eat right away, I've always felt like I need to be up for awhile first. Anyway, I'll experiment a little and see if I can change that.

I made it to the gym around 8:00 and ended up talking to Kelly for half an hour before I convinced her to get on a treadmill with me. She wants to lose weight but doesn't have a lot of motivation right now. It would be nice if we could work out together but I'm not sure yet if it will happen or not. I know exactly how she feels, I was there a few months ago, but I've gotten to the point where I enjoy exercise. I'm finally starting to feel the whole endorphin rush thing, which until recently I thought was utter bullshit. While I can't say I'm ready to skip and sing songs when I'm done with my workouts, I just feel good.

Tonight I walked 1.20 miles. I did an incline of 12 for 15 minutes, incline of 14 for 15 minutes, incline of 18 for 5 minutes (holy crap that was tough!), and then Kelly and I did some free weight exercies and ran back and forth a few times in the room they do classes in.

Yep, I ran.

Not entirely willingly, but I did it. Let's hope it doesn't happen again anytime soon.

I've been finding some really great blogs about health and fitness. One is a guy who has lost 150 pounds (roughly), another is a woman a few years younger than me who has lost almost 100 pounds. It's so inspiring to read about their lives and how they changed them for the better. They also have links to useful websites so I've been reading up a storm. I should link them here, or at least bookmark them so I can find them again when the mood strikes.

I started my day with MarketSpice Cinnamon-Orange Tea, which is amazingly good. I wasn't sure I'd ever find a tea I liked to drink as much as I like my Irish Creme lattes but this stuff is damn good. I had 3 cups of it this morning and spent the rest of the day peeing every half an hour. I missed the memo stating tea is such a dieuretic. I don't think that's a bad thing, it just took me by surprise.

After work I headed to the gym for my session with Sgt. Fitness. He noticed I was wearing my new workout clothes, and Kelly told me I look really good in them. Honestly I felt a little weird, mostly because the shirt is made of pretty clingy material and I was a little self conscious about it. Apparently I'm not used to wearing clothes that fit and aren't baggy enough to hide things. However I felt better while I was working out in them. I didn't get quite as hot. Oh I was sweating up a storm, but I wasn't as hot. Not sure that makes sense, but there you have it.

Tonight Sgt. Fitness had me doing mostly arm stuff. Well, I did lunges and things at the same time with most of it too. I think tonight I actually did an exercise for the second time. It's the first time that's happened! Not bad for being there 2 1/2 months. Sgt. Fitness told me tonight he's studying to get some higher certification in training. I'm sure he'll do find and pass the test, he's a smart guy. I have to admit I've given some thought to looking into nutrition or training. I don't feel like I know enough about any of it but I guess that's the point of school. I think I'll stick with what I'm doing for now before I jump into it as a career.

It's crazy how much I look forward to going to the gym now. I suppose it's all still new enough for it to be exciting, and at some point that probably won't be the case, but I love the feeling. I can feel some of the changes in my body. Sgt. Fitness made the remark that I'm stronger now than I was when we started. Of course, being the dork that I am, I look at my right arm looking for signs of a muscle. He was amused.

When I got home I made some rice and had a chicken patty with it, then a Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich for dessert. I've drank a ton of water today, in addition to the tea. I went just over my 1,100 calorie allowance, I ended up with 1,135.

All in all I feel good about the day.

Friday night Sgt. Fitness weighed and measured me. According to their scale I weigh 186 pounds now. So from my highest weight of 212 that means I have lost 26 pounds! The first time Sgt. Fitness measured me was August 3. Since then here is what I've lost:

Weight ~ 22 pounds (I weighed 202 on their scale the first time I went there)

Body Fat ~ 1.60%

Neck ~ 0.75 inches

Chest ~ 2.25 inches

Waist ~ 3.75 inches

Hips ~ 3 inches
Bicep ~ 0.75 inches

Thigh ~ 1 inch

Calf ~ 0.50 inch

It's so strange to look at those numbers and realize I'm shrinking my body. I know that sounds odd, after all that's the point of all this. I think what I'm really trying to say is that for the first time I'm making a serious effort and it's working.

When I tried to lose weight before I wasn't putting a huge amount of effort into it. When my stepdad and I first joined the YMCA, Mom was sick at home so I felt guilty for being there. When we worked out with their trainer I liked what we were doing, but I was also frustrated that my stepdad was losing huge amounts and I was gaining and losing a few pounds here and there. It was wrong to even compare myself to him, but I did. And our eating habits were atrocious. We ate pizza and Chinese food pretty much every week, or leftover pizza, it was awful.

But now I'm making an honest effort and I'm putting myself first and I have no reason to feel guilty about it. From the results I would say it's working much better this time around. Food is still an issue for me though. I did not eat well this weekend. And I'm paying the price for it, my stomach did not like all the crap I ate. My GERD is acting up, though it's a little better this afternoon and I think by tomorrow will be fine.

I found a tea that I'm shocked to say I absolutely love. It's Cinnamon-Orange MarketSpice Tea. Kelly and I went to a little cafe in the mall yesterday, A Perfect Cup, and the waitress recommended it to me and wow it is good! I was even more excited to discover they sell it so I bought a box of 24 tea bags and had 3 cups of it this morning. I love it and I know tea is good for you, much better than coffee or lattes, but I don't want to overdo it.

I was thinking today how I miss baking. It's not the product I miss as much as the act itself. As much as I love apple pie and snickerdoodles, I love putting them together even more and I've been avoiding it since I've been trying to eat better so I don't have cookies around. I like to cook but it's not quite the same.

Tonight I have a session with Sgt. Fitness right after work. I'm excited, and it never fails to shock me that I mean that. I'd really like to start working out with him 3 times a week but I'm not sure how it would work with his schedule. He shortened his hours in the evenings and he's not going to be working Friday afternoons starting next month. I'm glad he's doing it for his sake, he works so much, but it makes it harder for me to schedule sessions. I'm sure if I asked him he would stay later once in awhile but I don't really want to ask him to do that. My only other option would be to try to go at like 6:30 in the morning some days and I'm not sure how that would work.

Not. A. Morning. Person.

In order for that to work I would have to get up at...5:30 or 5:45 so I could eat something and leave the house by 6:10, giving me 10 minutes to get there and then 10 to warm up. I'd be done at 7:00 so I'd have to hurry home to shower and change for work....well, it's possible. Not probable, but possible. I think the problem I would have is only doing that once a week, my sleeping schedule would be thrown way off...I don't know, I'll think about it. I suppose if it's a choice between getting up before the crack of dawn and not working out, I would go with dragging my butt out of bed.

I worry at times I'm becoming a little too obsessed with all this health stuff. I think about it all the time. But then other than work, what do I have to do? Hmmmm. Oh, and bowling. It makes sense but I don't want to drive people crazy with it either. I'm just really excited to be doing something for me. Will my enthusiasm last? I sincerely hope so. I haven't felt this good about myself since....damn, I can't remember when. And it's just the beginning.

Staring weight 212, goal weight 130 ~ 26 pounds down, 56 pounds left to go.

I had a tough workout with Sgt. Fitness tonight, I was wore out when we were done. I liked it though, we did yet more things I haven't done before. lol I don't know how Sgt. Fitness comes up with them all. I asked him tonight if he ever gets bored with all the exercise stuff and he said no. His passion for all this really helps make me want to do better for myself, which is something I didn't expect when I started the training. I am envious that he seems to be so sure of his career path, that this is what he wants to do.

I've noticed I have some trouble with my wrists. I'm not sure if it's early signs of carpal tunnel or if they are just really weak. Either way it's annoying.I warmed up with 15 minutes at a 4 incline, then did 30 minutes of training with Sgt. Fitness, then 15 more minutes on the treadmill at 13 and then 10. I wanted to stay on longer but I didn't eat dinner before I went so I didn't have much energy.

It hasn't been until I started working out that I realized how much food affects your energy levels. I know, it should be obvious. Maybe it's more accurate to say I've just never given this stuff any thought before so I feel like I'm learning something new about my body all the time.

Lately I haven't been sleeping all that well. I got more sleep last night, and I'm hoping my workout tonight will help when I go to bed soon. Should I stop reading when I climb into bed? Is that the problem? Is it stress? I haven't pinpointed it.

Sgt. Fitness is going to weigh and measure me on Friday. Ugh. On one hand I'm excited to see if I made any progress, and on the other I know that my eating habits still have a lot of room for improvement so I worry that I haven't lost much. I'm in this for the long haul though so if it takes more time for the weight to come off, I'm okay with it as long as I keep it off. According to my scale yesterday I weigh 185 pounds. The gym scale had me at 193 last month so we'll see what happens.

My day started out well. I had granola cereal for breakfast, well I won't list it all here, but I felt good most of the day. I had a lot of energy. I didn't drink nearly as much water as I should have. I tried some new tea this morning, Stash Spice Chai, which I liked but I wasn't drinking it fast enough and it would get cold. Anyway, tomorrow I'll drink a lot more water.

By the afternoon though I didn't have much energy, and by the time I was driving home I really wanted to head to the Chinese takeout place for sesame chicken and fried rice. I'm not sure what happened. Maybe it's because I hate lunch about an hour and a half later than usual? Lack of water? I don't know, but it was hard to just drive home and eat turkey tacos instead. I made it to the gym, I updated my stats on the October Challenge post. I didn't last as long at the 13 incline as I wanted. So I lowered the incline and increased the speed. I've only been going 2.4 to 2.6 for speed, usually 2.4 or 2.5 so I'd like to get that up a little higher. I sometimes am not sure how far to push things. I want to challenge myself but I don't want to overdo it, and I'm not really sure where the line is. It's not like I'm training for a marathon, I don't think I'll hurt myself or anything, I just want to be sure that I'm healthy enough to come back the next day without whimpering.

I'm not sleeping very well lately, not sure why that is. I haven't been drinking much for caffreine, all the tea I've been drinking is caffeine free. I'm in bed around...10:00 to 10:30, I read for a bit and then I have trouble getting to sleep. More annoying I don't seem to stay asleep. I'm hoping keeping up with my workouts will help.

One of my very best friends came up with an idea I thought was fantastic so I borrowed it from her. The challenge is to do 930 minutes of exercise in the month of October (30 minutes per day x 31 days in October = 930 total minutes). I love it, makes much more sense than going to the gym every single day. Let's face it, that's not entirely feasible. Anyway, I'm really excited about the challenge, I think we will both kick some ass.

I had a session with Sgt. Fitness on Friday, it was tough but good. Speaking of Sgt. Fitness, he sent me an email Friday morning that had me a little confused. It said:

Hey! Well i just thought i wold drop in and say good job yesterday. Very proud of you.

I'll admit, I got all warm and fuzzy when I read it. Until I realized I hadn't seen him since Monday and I had no idea what I did that he was proud of. Hmmm. I figured it must have been my efforts at eating better, and I was right. When we started working out he asked if I got the email and said he realized after he sent it he should have said something about food, but anyway it really was a nice start to my Friday to see it. So the workout was good, I was sweating like mad in no time at all. After my workout with Sgt. Fitness I got on the treadmill and did 30 minutes a 10 incline, 1.70 miles. I got in 60 minutes to start the month, not bad!

I've decided I'm going to make Saturdays a free day when it comes to eating. I can eat whatever I want on Saturdays. I will still track everything, and I'm not going to make it a free for all, but that way if I've been craving pizza or steak or whatever all week, I will have a day to look forward to eating it. What's funny is that yesterday I really didn't feel like eating crap so I ate pretty well anyway. I did spend some time at Costco and the grocery store, I stocked up on all kinds of things that are good for me.

Spinach
Organic quinoa
Organic raisins
Oatmeal
Granola
Almond milk (never had it before but it's good)

That's in addition to what I got earlier in the week. And I finally bought a rice cooker! I used it tonight, I love it. Very handy. You can even program it to start at a certain time, that's a spiffy feature. I also bought a ton of books Wednesday night relating to health and food.

The World's Healthiest Foods
Skinny Bitch
Skinny Bitch in the Kitch
Ruby's Diary
Master Your Metabolism
Winning by Losing
Hungry Girl....
Hungry Girl 200 Recipes under 200 Calories

I spent more money than I probably should have, but my PFD will be deposited Thursday so I'll be fine. I want to learn more about all this. Sgt. Fitness said he'd find more books to recommend too.

I went to the gym again today. I did a 10 incline for 10 minutes at 2.4 and a 12 incline for 30 minutes at 2.6. I've been concentrating on trying to up the incline, but now I also want to work on the speed. I'm still not quite at 100% after having that cold last week, but the workout felt good.

I had my brother take a couple of progress pictures for me after bowling on Thursday, which he whined about. Sometimes he irks me with his attitude about my wanting to be healthier. One day he's great, he'll make chicken for dinner or get after me if I mention wanting to buy Dr. Pepper, and others he's trying to feed me frozen pizza and grumbling because of the healthy food I'm buying. I don't expect him to change his ways but I wish he'd leave me alone so I can change mine.

Plan for the week:

Sunday ~ Cardio (done, obviously)
Monday ~ Cardio
Tuesday ~ Session with Sgt. Fitness
Wednesday ~ Cardio
Thursday ~ Bowling
Friday ~ Sgt. Fitness
Saturday ~ Off