I had breakfast at around 9:00 this morning. It was hard to make myself eat at first, I just don't like eating so early, but once I got started I was fine. So I had breakfast, a snack, lunch, a snack, and in an hour I'll go home and have dinner. I don't know what I'm having yet, probably chicken and rice.

I worry about becoming too focused on my health kick. Am I obssessing too much? How much is too much? I suppose it doesn't help that I have nothing else to do. I work and I go to the gym. That's it. Oh, and I bowl once a week. So I find myself constantly thinking and talking about the gym and what exercises I've learned and what incline I'm up to, etc. etc. etc. I probably bore people.

But dammit, I'm excited about all this! It's the first thing since Mom and Dad died that has given me a sense of purpose and made me feel really good about things. It is also the first thing I've done to take care of myself in years. I can concentrate on me, what I want and how I feel. It is long overdue.

And yet I still feel a twinge of selfishness for saying that...

Making this effort to become healthy has given me a certain amount of control back to my life. I can't control sickness and death, but I can control what I eat. What's really neat is that I feel more like me. It's different, don't get me wrong, but I catch myself doing things I used to. Singing in the car, for example, and doing little dances in the kitchen or grocery store. Silly, yes, and it's exactly what I've missed about myself and couldn't seem to find.

Now I check weight loss blogs every day. I read health related articles. I subscribed to a couple of health magazines. I have a stack of books waiting to be read on health and food. I talk about this stuff all the time. And I want to talk about it even more, I just don't know who cares enough to talk about it with me. I know there are all kinds of communities online but it's not the same has talking to someone face to face.

Maybe I'm just all into this because it's still so new to me. I'm learning something every day. And I've only been at this for 2 1/2 months. I have so much more to learn about fitness, and about myself.