I had a session with Sgt. Fitness tonight, we did more arm stuff. My sides are still store, more my right side than the left thanks to bowling, but the workout felt good. I told him how sore I was before.

His response? 'That's good!'

Hmmm.

Well, okay, he said more than that but his first response is what I remember the most. I was bad
and didn't get on the treadmill when we were done, so now I feel kind of cheated. Why didn't I get my butt on the treadmill? Because Kelly started talking to me and by the time I got away I had to leave to pick up Nathan and take him to work.

Thankfully Sgt. Fitness didn't ask me how I've been eating lately, or he'd have made me do more of those...whatever he calls them, shoulder press dealies, they were hard. Today, for example, I ate a good breakfast of granola cereal stuff. And for lunch I had a hamburger with ketchup and mayo along with a small order of french fries. And let's not forget the fry sauce, had to have that. I was just craving a hamburger.

Now one meal isn't going to derail everything I've accomplished so far, but over the weekend I ate like crap too and I had Tuna Helper for dinner last night. Ugh. It's caught up with me though. I can tell I had too much sodium because my hands are swollen. I just have this overall feeling of ickiness.

What amazes me is how differently my body reacts to food that's bad for me now compared to how it would have just a few months ago. In July, before I started going to the gym and tracking my food, I would never have noticed this lethargic feeling. I felt that way all the time, I just didn't realize it. How scary is that?!

Now that I can feel the difference, I do not want to go back to feeling like shit all the time again. So I am really going to step up the effort on my eating habits. I will still allow myself a meal to eat whatever I want, but only for dinner. I think by telling myself I can have an entire day, it's too easy for me to justify crap meals other days of the week. That defeats the purpose.

For some reason lately I'm craving red meat. I wonder if I'm getting anemic again, that's been the case before. Instead of going to the doctor and getting a blood test, I intend to figure out what foods have iron in them (besides beef), and load up and see if that helps. Maybe the trial and error method isn't the greatest way to go about things, I really don't know. I should have asked Sgt. Fitness tonight but I didn't think about it. I could email him but I hate to be a pest, especially since there are other questions I meant to ask him and spaced it.

I'd like to find a good multi-vitamin too, that would help if I'm lacking iron. But it's so frustrating! Vitamins apparently aren't regulated well, so you could buy a bottle of vitamins that do you no good whatsoever. Some have just one pill, others have packs of half a dozen. How do you know which ones do you the most good and which are a waste of money? I've seen the prices on some of them, they aren't exactly cheap.

I also want to talk to my doctor about getting off the fluoxetine completely. I know you can't go cold turkey, you need to have the dosage lowered first. I did that once but I need to check on whether or not it would have to be done again before I can stop it completely. I've been avoiding it though, I know I'll have to go in and talk to him. Sometimes you can get away with a phone call but I don't think that will cut it this time. Grrrr.

My clothes are not fitting me well. My pants are looser but still stay up, however my shirts are really starting to look awful. I should go buy at least one or two new ones that fit decently but I hate to spend the money on clothes right now, especially when I still have so far to go.

I haven't been getting enough sleep lately. I wonder how much that affects my cravings. In fact I should really be in bed now but I wanted to get some of this out of my head and into this journal. I go on so much in my everyday LJ about all this I almost hate to subject anyone to yet more of it. But this is different because I don't worry about what anyone else might think. I shouldn't anyway and yet I do. Right or wrong it's human nature I suppose. My nature, at least.

Alright, off to bed with me.